I like this guy

Commentator from KC Star Newspaper boards:


And lo the Barbarians from the Bay of Tampa entered the gates of Arrowhead. And the people of Arrowhead were filled with foreboding and wondered if the army of Arrowhead could repel the Barbarians. For the harlot Worm had told the people that the army of Arrowhead would not be strong for 2 more years according to his divine plan. And the army of Arrowhead was weak with only a Pigpen, and their chariot Johnson was still held in the dungeon for sinning against a woman.

And the harlot Worm attempted to hide his army's weakness by ordering his General Gailey to attack the Barbarians from the Bay of Tampa with magic and lightning. And the army of Arrowhead jumped on the Barbarians from all sides and confused and conflicted them. But King Gruden of the Barbarians scowled at the harlot Worm and his army of Arrowhead and was not afraid, nor fooled for long. And King Gruden barked at his warrior Garcia and his Barbarian horde and ordered them to counter attack the army of Arrowhead.

And the harlot Worm cowered at the onslaught and ran to the safety of his false commandments. He ordered the army of Arrowhead to retreat and to run twice before flying, to not fly if winning, and to kick if threatened. And the Barbarians were relentless and rained thunder upon the army of Arrowhead and ground them under their heel. And the battle waged on until late in the day. But before the sun could set on an Arrowhead victory, the harlot Worm took time to make the sun stand still and give the Barbarians the power to emerge victorious.

And the people of Arrowhead were dismayed after the long battle and could not understand how the army of Arrowhead lost. And the people cried out against the harlot Worm saying "The Worm hath wrought this!" And the scribes made excuses for the harlot Worm for they depended upon the Worm for their manna. And the people pleaded to the Lord saying "Why have you cursed us? Deliver us, for we are led by fools that have deceived us!"

But the lord hardened his heart against the people of Arrowhead, for they again chose not to listen to his warnings nor heed his commandments. And the lord said "Since the people of Arrowhead have not obeyed me, they must drink the bile of the bitter cup until I choose the day of deliverance. But the day of deliverance shall not come until the great tribulation whence only the righteous who have obeyed my commandments and heeded my warnings shall rejoice."