Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Whats in a blog? Would a rose by any other blog not smell just as sweet?

I haven't been posting too many poker stories lately for the following reasons:

1) Im not very good at poker. Isn't that pretty evident? I wouldn't know poker strategy from an Iraq troop withdrawal. Oh sure I can figure out things like "that guy on the button who has raised my BB the last 3 times can not possibly have a hand this time, clearly this an opportunity to push."

a) Bad beat stories.
Bad beat stories should be our new Gitmo torture technique. How long could Joe Terrorist stand it if he hears the 50th different story about how your A-A got cracked by (fill in the blank). At this point Joe Terrorist would have even figured out "stop slowplaying your aces!" OR "an overshove in that spot looks like a bluff of course you gonna get called with crap!" Actually that last part is supposed to be a good thing. (see section b)
I like to hear interesting bad beat stories. And by interesting, I mean the story-teller actually thinks I have NEVER heard that kind of beat story before. I listen intently (actually my ADD has tuned them out by the Turn) and then at the end when they put some inflection in their voice, I shake my head, give a little hrmph (of disbelief) and say "Thats poker!" (<--- I tradmarked that in 2004 by the way, a lot of people owe me some royalties.)

b) Online poker is rigged.
Obv. Isn't it convenient, Mr Full Tilt, that all the good players (by that I mean myself and Waffles) go on streaks where nothing we do can win? I even heard a rumor that Hoy was getting bad beat in some MTTs, clearly this is some shady buisness practices that you are involving yourself in and why lawmakers are so scared of you they want to protect us good people of the USA from your predatory buisness practices! I spoke to an anonymous congressman who reiterated to me "why should we have the good peoples of America losing their hard earned money to some donk in Great Britain or Denmark who doesn't realize that pushing every hand preflop is not a good play?" Good point. We need that money in America to save the auto industry, and besides Europe is a bunch of noobs anyway.
Getting back to the rigged thing though, seriously Full Tilt, if you didn't put one of 3 Aces left in the deck on the board every time i commit myself to a race, it might look a little less suspicious. I will give you special props for that time that you managed to make my hand in Stud only to be beaten by a less likely but always better hand. Oh and by "time" i mean 2008.
c) Live poker is rigged.
I mean that is the only solution I can come up with. I was in the WPF tourney with a guy to my right who ALWAYS got his chips in horrible (either push or call) and after fighting with him for 5 hours, he finally takes me out when he gets a great hand (AQo) 2 people at the table said they tossed an A, and my K-J doesnt improve.
Or the guy at that cash game who literally called any bet with any 2 cards because he could "outplay" anyone post flop. Outplay in this case is admiting to the table he will call with anything as long as he has a draw of some kind, getting him all-in 5 times when he had cards like 2-5cc and he won 3 out of those 5 hands. 36% my ass!
Editors Note: The afore mentioned ARE NOT bad beat stories, your humble author does not share bad beat stories, he is only commenting on the bad beat that life has placed on him. Game on.
d) Harold.

2) There are more important issues currently going on in the world now that need talking about.
a) Phillies won the World Series. My 13 year old heartache that has been hanging around now for 15 years has finally ceased. I lay blame to this as being why I have not been able to maintain relationships with women, graduate college, oh and also play poker. Finally I can move on.
b) KC Chiefs. Dude. Come on. 1-9? I mean by my calculations if you take out the 4th quarter of games, we should be no worse than 7-3. 2008 Chiefs are clearly a 7-3 team right now with the bad luck of being 1-9. And yet, 1-9 is somewhat not so bad. See the 1-8-1 Bengals, 0-10 Lions, and 2-8 Raiders.
c)Fantasy Football is rigged. All my money teams are under .500, this has never happened to me, however, my non-money league team with buddies from PA my team is 8-2-1. YEAH TAKE THAT! I also have now just come to the conclusion, that anything negative in my life is obv rigged. This will include: my dogs, my girlfriend, my family, my job, my boss, my employees, my car, and last but not least McDonalds (i want a f-ing Shamrock Shake). Yup thats right, they are all rigged. See, I feel awesome right now!

3) My hair is longer now than it was when I was single teen. What does that have to do with my non-poker blogging? Nothing. Just felt like I should share.

4) My mind has been forever altered by Toyota's "Saved By Zero" campaign, I will go on a rampage in some 5-10 years, and I will scream "Saved by 0" over and over again. By then, no one will know what that means and I will go down in wikipedia as the "Saved by 0 serial killah!" Mark my words, friends.

I cant really think of anything else, right now im just waiting for Lost to resume so I can see if my bet that Jin is still alive gets paid off (I was harmed by his DUI arrest, but still hold out hope) but Lost is rigged too.

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